Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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