and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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