So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
