I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
