I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
