well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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