Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
