No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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