Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
