She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
