dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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