I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
