i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize