community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
