singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
