i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
