So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
FUCK WHALES
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
