You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
