Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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