Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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