You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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