Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
