Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
