u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize