i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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