"it" just moved
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
