dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
