there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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