So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
