I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
