Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
