I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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