Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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