Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
