ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pooping to opera.
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