So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize