Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just pynch a tree in the face
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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