Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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