I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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