new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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