Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
