This is not my ceiling
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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