we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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