just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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