and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
