We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
