why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
