So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
