It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
