me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
