I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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