This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
