He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
