I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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