I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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