you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
