I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
