look no pants
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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