This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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