Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
