well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
