I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
