i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize