U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
