lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
