im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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