i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
