I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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