I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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