Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
