grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize