Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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