In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
