ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He shit in the fireplace
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
