She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
