Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
