evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ttyl tear gas
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
