Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
