I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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