I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
