Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Life without a bra equals bliss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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