Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
