I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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