Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
