If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
