i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
