i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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