Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
