When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
